Done

Im so done with SL. Lost someone tonight that ment a lot to me. Hell, i've lost a few that ment a lot. But to lose this one, someone who has been there for me and helped me keep the family together, well thats just too much. So screw SL. For now i'm going to do what i do best... and no i'm not saying what. That too, might get told in someone elses blog. That blog is supposed to be for SL only and he broke that rule. So he can kiss off for now. Too angry to speak to you now. Plus phone bill didnt get paid today anyway so it will be off til i decide to pay it.

For the one who said I needed to stay away...

Sam

Lost again

Lord save me from myself. Just when I thought things were ok something else happens. It was like "boom" or kaboom. When does this madness end? We bring it on ourselves I know, but still... what on earth am I doing? I'm I destined to hurt those who care about me? Is that all life is, pain, recover, then pain again? My demonic family was just getting back on track then poof, "HE"S BACKKKKK"!!!!! Now we are in an uproar. No one knows what is going to happen or when. Doubts fill the SL air and my family is upset. Now I know he is the "boss" but that doesn't mean to upset our way of life. We all worked hard to get where we are and now that is in danger.

My wonderful friend Cat is upset. I don't stand for that. She is truly someone special and all she ever wanted was to be loved and needed and wanted. That's all anyone really asks for. This is my family too and I love them dearly. We all stuck together in times of need and now we are being torn apart from the inside. I think I will be kicking that big red demon ass and saying" listen up punk, you left us and didn't come back for almost 3 months, we have a right to find happiness anyway we wish". Now granted, we didn't tell him what was going on but we did stick together as a family, a demon family. We are evil little bastards and we do what we wish. He made the rules for us and we lived by them.

Be prepared Kaboom, for we will stand up for what we did and we will not back down. We are demon, hear us roar. I may be small but I pack a powerful punch and I'm not afraid to use it. You may have been the glue for us for a while but we found duct tape while you were gone. We held it together and grew stronger. You should be proud of us, not beating us down. You were gone when we needed you, but we found a way.

For those that have been already torn, I'm truly sorry.

Camouflage

Camouflage

Where do you go
when you don't want the world to see you?
You hide
in plain sight.
They never see you there, in front of their eyes.
You show them
colors they wish to see.
Wrap them all around yourself, completely.
You disappear.
Yet there you are
But know one looks close enough to see you
You blend in
with the background.
It's clever and foolproof, never breached
and yet,
What's that?
A spear of heat, pricking carefully laid armor.
Prompting you
to peek out.
And so you unfurl just a little to see what it is.
And now
Oh, now
The real you is exposed and the hurt can come
Will you stay
or cocoon?
Is it worth the pain to ditch the camouflage
And so
your eyes speak
And your wings wrap you tightly once more
And there you are
gone again

Daring to move on

Sadness overtakes me some days at the thought of Kaboom. Together in SL we were great, but things happen and people change. I still think of him daily and miss his voice. He held my heart for a short while and he took great care of it, but i was a coward and couldn't do what i was about to do. I was scared and unsure of myself, and he paid the price for that. And for that i will be forever sorry. He never deserved that. I never saw myself as a person who could break someone like him. It's a hard thing to admit to oneself and to the world. He is a caring person who I should have stayed far far away from. I will never regret the time we spent together and the love shared, but I will regret the harm that came to us. What i would give to see him again one day. But time stops for no man or woman.

So as I tried to recover, I started building. I threw myself into the work. I stayed far away from people and those who knew us to be a couple. I still attended to the family but only as an outsider or so i thought in my mind. But I began to build and really see what I could do in SL by myself. One day I TPed into Open Collar to look at textures of some collars. My attention was drawn to Sam. This was done when he pulled my pyro tail. Now granted, anyone who wears a tail is tempting someone to pull it, and I am no different. I admit, i wanted some attention. I wanted to talk to someone, anyone who didnt know about my past. Someone to start fresh with with no opinion on what i did.