Darren here.
*takes a deep breath and talks*
And I’m getting ahead of myself, here. Zuri has talked about what it was like to meet me from her perspective. I wanted to offer my own view of events.
I used to come to SL casually. Not as Darren. This identity is a new one. I came in my original identity and filmed movies for school, explored, looked at artwork and hung out with friends. I got too busy to do it maybe seven or eight months before this all started, and didn’t log in even once.
Then, sad things happened in my RL. They came to a head the first week of August. It’s a long story, and not one I wish to share here. The important detail is that I was sad and lonely. Rather than letting myself be so, I decided to come back to SL and make some new friends. I came in as Darren because he was a blank slate: I’d bought a skin and a shape, but nobody knew about him yet. I wanted to start clean. I grabbed some L$ off of my original character to get outfitted.
I came to Cherry Street looking for an empty adult sandbox, so I could try on clothes without anybody watching. It was pretty though, and I got caught up taking pictures. My first profile pic was set on the beach there.
While I was distracted, Emi came in not far from me. She was warm and friendly, and struck up conversation with me. We got to talking and she explained there’d be a party there in about four hours, and asked me to come. She told me the party’s theme was ‘silks.’
I said yes, but admitted I didn’t know what to wear. She said that was fine, and that people could dress normally and just watch if they wanted to. She kept in touch the rest of the time ‘til the party, on and off.
I’m still not sure if she thought I was cute or knew that I was sad. Maybe both.
I came a few minutes past time, and there were people dancing. Emi and Otto welcomed me warmly. Otto was dancing with cat. Emi, Natsuki and Zuri were on the poles. I hit the solo dance ball and did my best to keep up with conversation. I felt out of place, but not because of the company. They were all very nice. I was just awkward and nervous. It’d been a long time since I went someplace new.
I saw tip jars out, and I wanted to be considerate. I tipped Natsuki, who promptly went afk for most of the party. Tipped Emi, who thanked me. I went to tip Zuri, but she hadn’t logged into her jar, and I accidentally logged in instead. I logged back out and paid her the tip directly, then IMed her to apologize. She told me not to worry.
I decided to strike up conversation.
See... SL is a space where we can mostly be and have exactly what we want. It was my initial draw to this place: it’s a realm where who people are and what they want are very clear. We can be ourselves in ways that we can’t in RL. It lets me see what people want in a fascinating way. A lot of people dream the same dream about themselves, though. I call it the Barbie look. People are almost always tall. Girls are generically pretty, often wearing outfits as skimpy as they can get away with. Men are tend to be 80s action stars, all big muscles.
I tried for something a little off the mold with Darren: my goal was to be handsome, but in a realistic manner. I joke sometimes about aiming for the ‘douchey Eurotrash’ look with him.
Zuri had a thoughtful look. She wasn’t just pretty: she was exotic. She had the most gorgeous silks at the party, and she was covered in tattoos, and... she’d obviously put some thought into what she presented to the rest of us. She wasn’t afraid to be different.
I was drawn to her, and we talked. She apologized for being loopy on pain medicine. Told me she’d just broken her finger. I told her I was sorry to hear it, and that I sympathized: I explained about my diabetic neuropathy a little bit. She said it was all right, and explained she knew plenty about long term medical problems... and that it didn’t matter.
[2011/08/02 18:52] Zuri Darkthief: i try to keep my SL life easy
[2011/08/02 18:52] Zuri Darkthief: =)
[2011/08/02 18:52] Darren Graycloud: I can respect that. :)
[2011/08/02 18:53] Zuri Darkthief: but its nice for someone to ask and care. so thank you
[2011/08/02 18:54] Darren Graycloud: Welcome, of course.
[2011/08/02 18:54] Darren Graycloud: :)
[2011/08/02 18:55] Second Life: secondlife:///app/agent/e00ad147-cf41-4fb8-aee4-e41a9a04f5f3/about is offering friendship.
friendship is a great thing(By default, you will be able to see each other's online status.)
[2011/08/02 18:55] Second Life: Friendship offer accepted.
[2011/08/02 18:55] Second Life: Zuri Darkthief is online.
I might not have believed someone else. It’s easy to say that you’re tough, but... Zuri really was. I could tell. She didn’t want me to treat her differently because she was having a rough time. She just wanted to dance and talk. She had a spring in her step and a smile on her face, and she was nothing but fun.
I was humbled. It’s an impression that’s never left me, where she’s concerned: Zuri’s irrepressible spirit is something I stand in awe of.
She liked me too. I’ve been looking at our logs as I write this to get the facts straight in my head, and I’d forgotten how fast we started talking about dating:
[2011/08/02 20:14] Zuri Darkthief: you're really cool to hang with, would you like to meet up again sometime soon?
[2011/08/02 20:15] Darren Graycloud: Yes, yes I would.
We spent the rest of the night dancing and talking, and made plans to go out soon.
She’s blogged about our first date. My own memories of it are... well, that she showed me magic. We went to the Inspire Space Park and spent time in a fanciful sky together. We talked, we kissed, we cuddled among stars and asteroids. I loved the place so much I put it in my Picks on the spot. She showed me secret places, beautiful places. We ended our date back at her home, where she immediately put me on the land protector, and we kissed... and it was beautiful and sweet, and it was enough for the first night.
I even asked her to help me dress better. She was always so beautiful, and I wanted to look like I belonged with her. I bought fancy neko wear, and snapped up a tux on sale, and... I’ve never been a clotheshorse, but I started to learn.
It was good. Times were just... good. I don’t think I’ve smiled so much in years. RL too: I was more easygoing and cheerful.
After a while, I saw that I was spending tons of time in SL, but didn’t have a place to live. I used to rent a place on my original character, but I’d let it slip months and months ago. I mentioned this to Otto in the hope of finding a good rental. Otto mentioned it to cat, and she offered to just let me put a skybox over her property, free of charge.
cat and Otto are wonderful folks.
Zuri got wind of it, and said I’d be staying with her, instead. I let cat know, but thanked her for her generosity. Then I had an idea, and I realized I’d need more prims. Zuri offered to take me places to look for a good spot. We spent an afternoon looking at four or five beautiful plots. Everything was beach themed: she was in a mood for them. We frolicked around empty rentals while my Internet connection dropped every five minutes or so, chasing each other through great big houses and skyboxes.
I finally settled on a plot one sim away from hers. She mentioned I “could just fly right over to her house,” and I thought about it for a few minutes, and then I paid for two months. I wanted to be close to her.
We talked about houses a bit. She pointed out some nice tiki ones.
Then she left, and I thought about it. People mostly have houses in SL. Otto and cat and Zuri all had them, for instance, and nothing I made or bought was going to be as good. I’m not much for building. I could learn, but I write novels - I’d rather focus on one craft at a time.
So... rather than a house, I realized the perfect thing would be something space themed. Zuri loves space. We went dancing and exploring there all the time, and I knew she was a big fan of Star Trek. She was delighted when I took her to a Trek sim and got her some uniforms from the shows.
I wanted to make a place that she’d find comforting. Something Zuri would want to come to and feel safe in. I didn’t think she’d move in with me. We’d talked about being exclusive, and we were both very cautious about it: I’d just gotten out of a bad relationship, and she didn’t really want to be tethered, I think.
But I wanted it to be someplace she could feel comfortable in. Someplace obviously intended to welcome her.
I bought a glowing space station for a Linden, then I enlisted the help of Gwynn and Avery to build a spinning starry sky. I bought a second skybox to toss above the first with a hot tub, because Zuri seemed to love the water. I bought a TV, because I wanted an easy way to control music.
She was enthralled. Just... floored by it. And then she brought over her friend Ashe. Ashe took one look at my sky and asked if I’d move it aside. Then, Ashe replaced it with a custom one, something she’d cooked up. She didn’t put her stuff on the marketplace, either: it was unique, and absolutely gorgeous. She added a comet to spin around the station, and even gave me a couch.
We spent a night watching Pirates of the Caribbean IV in the hot tub room. It was wonderful. Zuri blogged about that too. Such a great night.
Soon after, I explained that I wasn’t really happy with the hot tub room, though. I wanted a forest. All the secret places Zuri went to think were forests, and I wanted one for her there. Zuri leapt to make what I wanted happen. She bought me a forest and positioned it carefully on the property line. She bought an aurora. She even gave me an Intan ball worth a small fortune, already loaded with dances.
She wanted the place to be hers too, and it made me unbelievably happy. We never really went to her house anymore, we just stayed at mine, improving it together.
Zuri and I are a good team. I tend to think of fanciful things, and she has the know-how to make them happen better than I could.
One day, though, she came to me and said there was something she had to tell me, and she wasn’t sure how I’d take it. I asked if I’d done something wrong. She said no - seemed surprised I’d even worry about it. She explained that an old friend of hers named Broxton was pushing to marry an alt of hers, and she intended to go ahead and do it, but didn’t want to hurt my feelings. She was also hoping I’d be there to support her. Something to do with supporting the vampire clan.
I agreed. I didn’t want to stifle her, be possessive or jealous. I just wanted to make sure that whatever happened, I supported her choices. I said I’d be there, and asked Emi to come along. We’ve become good friends since that first night. I hang out with her quite a bit, and wanted support myself. She was kind. Emi always is.
The wedding was... well, I didn’t much care for it. Everything felt forced. It was officiated by a cardboard cutout of Merlin that I kept expecting to come to life and try to kill us, too.
Afterward, I snuck Zuri away as swiftly as I could, and I cuddled her in front of our TV. I sent a partner proposal to her and told her to check her profile on the TV’s web browser.
The proposal screen was too short, so I sent her this notecard to clarify it:
“Dear Zuri,
I want you to be my partner. Officially, for all the world to see. I want everyone to know how special you are, and how happy you make me. I do not want tto pretend to be anything other than what we are.
I have been waiting for the perfect moment to ask, both because I’m horribly nervous about this, and because I want the memory of it to be special. However, I realized something last night with you, beneath the stars:
The reason I want to be with you is that I have nothing to fear from you, now or ever... and because every single moment with you is perfect.
Zuri, will you be mine?”
It felt like my heart stopped while I waited for her to answer. I stammered about how there was no pressure, and that I’d love her just the same if she didn’t want to.
She just told me to look at my profile. I could’ve cried, because there she was.
After she said yes, I... well, after the wedding I’d just been to, I didn’t want to marry her. It felt wrong. So I told her this:
[2011/08/31 01:24] Darren Graycloud: Once upon a time, Prometheus stole the fire of the gods, and he gave it to Man. Legends differ as to why, but I can only speculate it was probably over a pretty girl.
[2011/08/31 01:25] Darren Graycloud: In any event, Zeus was angered, and chained him to a rock, sentenced to have his liver torn out and eaten in front of him every day, for the rest of time.
[2011/08/31 01:25] Darren Graycloud: Zeus was always pretty dramatic like that.
[2011/08/31 01:25] Zuri Darkthief: hehe
[2011/08/31 01:26] Darren Graycloud: Time passed, and Hercules came. He needed to borrow money, I think.
[2011/08/31 01:26] Darren Graycloud: Prometheus explained that his wallet was inaccessible due to the chains and the giant bird eating him alive.
[2011/08/31 01:26] Zuri Darkthief: lol
[2011/08/31 01:26] Darren Graycloud: Hercules broke him free, explained that he would not, in fact, pay back the $20 after such a feat - this being where we get the word 'herculean' from.
[2011/08/31 01:27] Zuri Darkthief: /me cracks up
[2011/08/31 01:27] Darren Graycloud: Zeus had forgotten why he'd chained Prometheus up. Again, I can only assume a pretty girl was involved. It was, after all, *Zeus*.
[2011/08/31 01:27] Darren Graycloud: However, Zeus remembered he'd been pissed, and so while he allowed Prometheus to go, he made the Titan wear a single link of the chain around his finger as a symbol of his confinement.
[2011/08/31 01:28] Zuri Darkthief: hmm
[2011/08/31 01:28] Zuri Darkthief: thats a good tale
[2011/08/31 01:28] Darren Graycloud: There's a corollary
[2011/08/31 01:29] Darren Graycloud: /me kisses his wonderful audience
[2011/08/31 01:29] Zuri Darkthief: :)
[2011/08/31 01:29] Darren Graycloud: Our bond isn't one of rules and chains. It can be, from time to time. There are chains below, and I'll put you in them when the mood strikes.
[2011/08/31 01:29] Darren Graycloud: But the thing that keeps us together is more profound
[2011/08/31 01:30] Darren Graycloud: We have fun.
[2011/08/31 01:30] Zuri Darkthief: mmm
[2011/08/31 01:30] Darren Graycloud: You already wear the locket.
[2011/08/31 01:30] Darren Graycloud: It's better than a ring.
[2011/08/31 01:30] Darren Graycloud: More apt.
[2011/08/31 01:30] Zuri Darkthief: true
[2011/08/31 01:30] Darren Graycloud: Keep wearing it. That's what I want to symbolize who and what we are.
[2011/08/31 01:30] Darren Graycloud: If we ever change, the symbol can change too.
[2011/08/31 01:31] Zuri Darkthief: i will never take it off
[2011/08/31 01:31] Darren Graycloud: /me kisses you
[2011/08/31 01:31] Zuri Darkthief: /me kisses you back
And we continued to be together and play together. Every moment was precious. Always is with her.
She took down her house, telling me that she didn’t need it anymore: my house had become our home, together. I was delighted. She replaced her residence with a gigantic, “Sorry, we’re closed” sign, and moved a few of her belongings in.
I felt sad about the story of Prometheus, though. Sad I hadn’t asked her to marry me, because that’s how I felt about her: I felt like we were meant to be together, always. I regretted not taking the opportunity to celebrate it.
Zuri made an offhand comment one day about how she’d go with me to a ‘non-creepy’ wedding any time... so I sent her this notecard:
“When we partnered, I told you the story of Prometheus. I didn't want a ring, because... well, there were two reasons:
The first was that what happened with Brox made me feel pretty skeeved about the whole topic of weddings. It was unpleasant, and I didn't want to follow up that sort of a spectacle with one of my own.
The second reason was more profound: I don't want to cage you. I'm not with you to contain you, bind you or own you. One of the big reasons that I enjoy spending time with you is that you make me feel free, and I want to offer you the same. What I do when we bump pixels is for fun, not out of a sense of... marking territory.
That said... I really would like to marry you in here, if it pleases you. Not to keep you by my side, but as a reminder that I will always choose to be by yours.
I make this offer without any pressure or expectation. You can say no. You can decide later. I'll still be here.
That's sort of the point: it's not scary because it's how I'll behave anyway.”
.
And this happened:
[2011/09/08 14:30] Zuri Darkthief: /me reads
[2011/09/08 14:30] Darren Graycloud: /me nods
[2011/09/08 14:30] Darren Graycloud: /me is nervous
[2011/09/08 14:31] Darren Graycloud: /me kisses your head
[2011/09/08 14:31] Zuri Darkthief: awww :) i would love to marry you here!!!
[2011/09/08 14:32] Darren Graycloud: /me breathes
[2011/09/08 14:32] Darren Graycloud: /me smiles
[2011/09/08 14:32] Darren Graycloud: I haven't picked out where or anything. Wanted your input.
[2011/09/08 14:32] Zuri Darkthief: here!!! up top!!!
[2011/09/08 14:32] Darren Graycloud: I kind of like upstairs, right here, but I don't know how that works.
[2011/09/08 14:32] Darren Graycloud: /me smiles
[2011/09/08 14:32] Zuri Darkthief: we'll make it work
And so we did. I suggested a surprise wedding - telling everyone that it was just our parcel warming party, then shuffling them off into pews. Zuri thought that was funny, so that became our plan.
We did our usual routine: she made the land ready. She got the wedding HUD working, and even contacted the creator to get it fixed when it broke. She moved the trees, the campfire. She was so good.
I wrote custom wedding vows and invitations. I asked her to pick the rings, and she chose beautiful ones from the marketplace, which I bought on the spot. We each did a custom inscription. She looked up something in Japanese, and I did one in Latin.
She made mine say: “Watashi wa anata o eien ni aisuru,” which was “I will forever love you.”
I went with “Aeterne una erimus, sub astris,” which is, “We shall be together eternally, beneath the stars.”
She wanted to write custom wedding vows too, but we found out that cat probably wouldn’t be able to wait if we didn’t go ahead and get married Friday night. My ‘must have’ guest list was Otto, cat and Emi, and I’d hoped for Avery, Gwynn and Ashe. Zuri felt it was better to just go for it, rather than risking missing cat.
So we did. Ashe wasn’t able to stay, but Natsuki was able to come, and that was wonderful.
And her vows were beautiful anyway.
I said:
“It's difficult to know what to say at a moment like this, with everyone watching and waiting to hear something special. Fond as I am of words, it's daunting.
I could say that I'll always be there for you, Zuri, but you know that.
I could tell you that I'll always love you, but you know that too.
I will say instead that this ceremony is not what binds me to you. I do not believe that rings or oaths can keep two people together.
This ceremony is instead a celebration of what I already know to be true: we will always remain together, because we would not choose anything less. That is a joyful truth, one that should be witnessed and sung about.
I, Darren Graycloud, take you, Zuri Darkthief, to be my wife. I will love you without condition or reservation, for as long as I live.”
She said:
“Darren, I love you. You are my best friend. Today I give myself to you in marriage. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle.
I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard,
when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you, and to always hold you in highest regard. These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life.”
*breathes*
There’s more to tell. There’s always more to tell, I suppose: I could talk about how Zuri read the novel I’m working on, and was so enthralled she forgot to smoke for half a day, or how she found a few mistakes no one else caught.
I could talk about the fantastical places we’ve been. I could talk about the deep secrets we’ve shared, but those are private.
I think this is enough, though. This is, in my estimation, how Zuri and I went from two strangers on the floor of Cherry Street to best friends, lovers and finally spouses. I wanted to share it here for the same reason I wanted to get married: as a celebration of what we’ve found, for all the world to see and enjoy too.
*cedes the floor back to Zuri*
